Doctor's slang

Here are some funny medical acronyms and doctor's slang i came across...

4F - Fair, fat, female and forty OR fat, flatulent female (both mean abdominal pain patient who is candidate for gall bladder disease)

Acades vulgaris - medical students.
Acute Lead Poisoning - Gunshot wound
Acute Hyponicotaemia - desperate for nicotine fix (cigarette)
Acute Pneumoencephalopathy - airhead
Adminisphere - where hospital managers work, reckoned to be "another planet"
AFU & BR - all f***ed up & beyond repair
AGA - Acute Gravity Attack (fell over)
AGMI - Ain't Gonna Make It (won't survive)
Amphoterrible - Amphotericin B, an antifungal medication with toxic side-effects
Angel lust - a male corpse with an erection (not uncommon). Is also sometimes used to mean death that occurred during intercourse.

Baby catcher - obstetrician
Babygram -x-raying (radiographing) a newborn
BBCS - Bumps, Bruises, Cuts and Scrapes (i.e. no serious injuries)
Banana - patient with jaundice
Benny - patient on benefit (welfare payments)
Betty - a patient with diabetes
Blade - Surgeon
Blinky the Fish - radiologist (The 3-eyed, mutant goldfish from The Simpsons is the mascot of many radiology depts).
Blood-Brain Barrier - surgical drapes
Blue Pipe - vein (as opposed to 'red pipe' or artery)
Boneheads - orthopaedics
Brothel Sprouts - Genital warts
Bugs in the rug - pubic lice
Butchers - Obstetrics & Gynaecology (also general derogatory term for surgeons)

C&T Ward - Coma ward - "cabbages and turnips" Cabbage - heart bypass i.e. CABG (Coronary Artery Bypass Graft)
Cabbage and tomato ward - Ward for comatose patients
Captain Kangaroo - chairman of a paediatrics department.
Chocolate Hostage - constipated
Chrome Induced Ischaemia - patient that develops inexplicable chest pains when arrested and handcuffed
Cock Doc- urologist
Crispy critter - severe burns case

D&D - Death and Donuts (night shift)
Dandruff on wheels - scabies or other transmissible flaky skin condition
Deep fry - cobalt therapy (radiation therapy)
Dement - Alzheimer patient
Digging for Worms - varicose vein surgery
DILF - Doctor I'd Like to F*** (Fornicate with): Nursing slang for good-looking doctor
Drop a Lung - when medical treatment causes a pneumothorax

Eating In - Intravenous feeding
ECU - Eternal Care Unit: heaven ("gone to the ECU = dead)
Ego Boost Units - med students/junior doctors that follow a doctor
EMS - Earn Money Sleeping (joke at expense of Emergency Medical Service)
Expensive care - intensive care

Garden - neurosurgical intensive care ward, so called because of the "vegetables" found there.
Gardening - attending to patients in neurological intensive care.
Genital hurties - genital herpes
Ghost - Derogatory term for med students; they are largely invisible, are absent during difficult situations, silent when asked for volunteers and stealthily evade hard work
GI Rounds - a meal (GI = gastrointestinal)
Grapes - haemorrhoids
Guessing tubes - stethoscope
Gutectomy - major gastro-intestinal surgery; also abdominal fat removal (such as liposuction)


Hallucinoma - a mass seen on a scan or x-ray that wasn't really there
Hepatology Conference - doctors meeting at a pub or bar (no late appointments, I'm going to a hepatology conference
Hi 5 - HIV positive ("V" being Roman for 5)

Inbreds - doctors whose parents are also doctors
Knuckledragger - Orthopedic Doctor/Surgeon

Lancelot - a medic who drains abscesses (called Pokemon in the USA)
LFTWM - Looking for 3 Wise Men (applied to young pregnant females who deny having had intercourse)
Leeches - those who take blood samples, e.g. lab techs
Lipstick Sign - if a female patient is well enough to put on, she is well enough to be discharged
Liver rounds - staff party, so called because of liver-damaging alcohol

M & Ms - mortality and morbidity conferences where medics discuss epidemics, mistakes and patient deaths
Meat hooks - surgical instruments.
Metabolic clinic - the tea room
MIDI - myocardial infarction during intercourse (heart attack during sex)
Milk of Amnesia - Propofol
Mini me - Trainee or medical student who copies their senior colleague too much but doesn’t say a lot (from Austin Powers films)
Molar masher - dentist

Neuron - Neurologist.
Negative Wallet Biopsy - (US) patient transferred to cheaper hospital because s/he has no insurance/funds

O sign - Patient unconscious with mouth open
OB/GYN - actually means Obstetric/Gynaecology, rumoured to mean "Oh Boy-Got You Naked"
OBE - Open Both Ends (known in UK as DNV - Diarrhoea and Vomiting)
Orthopod - orthopaedic doctor
Osteocephaly - boneheaded
Overpriced Carpenter - orthopaedic doctor

Pale face - child with leukaemia/severe anaemia.
Paws Up - dead
Pee Pee Docs - urology
Pediatron - paediatrician
Pillow positive - patients who are repeated admissions for prolonged periods with no physiological cause of their problems. It is joked they go to hospital with their own pillows ready for admission
Pink puffer - patient breathing rapidly due to lung disease
Pneumo-cephalic - airhead
Pre-stiff - terminally comatose patient.
PVC Challenge - To intubate someone.

Rear Admiral - proctologist
Rear Admiralty - proctology dept
Red dot - physicians from India, relates to red dot on their forehead
Red pipe - artery
Reeker - smelly patient

Saddles - Maternity sanitary towels (napkins), so called for their size and the bow-legged effect of wearing them
Scratch and sniff - gynaecological examination
Shadow gazer - radiologist
Silver Bracelet Award - patient is a prisoner brought in wearing cuffs
Silver Goose, Silver Stallion - proctoscope.
Slashers - general surgeons
Smurf Sign - patient blue or going blue
Snow - to accidently give a patient too much medication/mixed medication so they go into an altered state of consciousness ("Don't snow that patient with Drug X and Drug Y at the same time!)
Stage Mother - person accompanying patient and encouraging patient to exaggerate the complaint (often to obtain a particular diagnosis or to get an unnecessary prescription)
Stamp - skin graft
Sweet Milk/ Mother's Milk - Propofol; a reference to its milky appearance and pain-relieving use

TFTB - Too Fat To Breathe
Therapeutic Monitoring - monitoring a patient purely because it makes the doctor feel better.
Toaster - defibrillator
Torture Room - Intensive Care Unit (due to invasive tubes and monitors and experimental treatments).
Tough stick - patient whose veins are hard to find when drawing blood




UBI - Unexplained Beer Injury
UDI - Unidentified Drinking Injury
UFO - Unidentified Frozen Object: unidentified dead homeless person in the winter
Unclear medicine - nuclear medicine
Vampires - those who take blood samples, e.g. lab techs (also slang for blood donor service)
Vegetable garden - Coma ward
Very Close Veins - varicose veins
VIP - Very intoxicated person
Vitamin D – Diesel (ambulance term). "Give it some Vitamin D" means drive faster
Vitamin M – Morphine

Wallet Biopsy - free medical test performed by hospital insurance department before patient is treated similar test in private health sector
Weed Puller - Obstetrician
White Mice - tampons
Wig picker - therapist or psychologist
WOMBAT - Waste Of Money, Brains And Time

YOYO - You're on your own
Zorro belly - patient who has had multiple abdominal surgeries.
Trick cyclists - psychiatrists
TSS - Toxic Sock Syndrome (often related to homeless)