Reluctance

I applied 2 days leave as my brother has just came back from Perth.The feeling of homesickness was tremendous and much more excruciaiting comparing my uni days in Russia. Funny huh? This might due to the nearer your heart to your home ..the greater is your agony and anguish..thus mind torturing when you could't see your loved ones and yet they are so nearby.

Some of the changes i have just found in me.

1)I could possibly reject all friends' outing and cancell all yam cha, devoting my time to my family. Family comes first now, my social life has turned zero degree.

2) I am tired of shoppings. It's so true that being a highly paid profession, one wouldn't spend money on clothes anymore. I thought i would be the happiest girl in the world with luxurious clothes and etc products..but things had changed lately...I have now yearn for body slash mind relaxation thingy....health comes first over materials.

3) weight is not an issue to me anymore. Cz i would just eat what ever is available or provided in the pantry when i'm famished.

hmmm....this would be a messy entry...cz basically i'm just writing what ever i feel like to..

I now realised that how little is my clerkship now cz now there were 2 new taggers who just joined us again...

Nowadays..HO would have to fight for clerking and doing procedures and stuffs so that we wouldn't be jobless and less productive..so in order to be one...one have to be hyper- pro-active in order to grab any chance before anyone else's do.

Even in OT, we also have to fight to scrub in in order to familiarize with the operation. Why would i say so, cz this would be a good base for us when we are on calls and have to scrub in in any emergency op.

So, in order to make myself more productive, i also have to fight for typing the op notes. It's a post op notes about all the intra-op findings, op steps and procedures, post op observation and management....It's would be quite confusing when the surgeons use multiple types of sutures, from Silk 3/0 to silk 5/0, then Dafilon or Daxon with different sizes, or Prolene or monochrome...kantoi when the MO catch you documenting the wrong sutures and sizes

I'm so looking forward to December...

2 months old

Yes, the title has its say..I'm a 2 month old HO, surgical department.
I think i have just overcome my transitional period in adopting the local culture and system, able to cope with the flow and workload.There's one thing that could deflect my previous distress is I'm now gaining weight!
Ah~how ironic. HO used to skip meals and sleepless nights..but now, outpouring numbers of HO in a ward has made things the other way around.I even get to sleep when i'm on call.

I would also like to share something personal here..
What i understood is, housemanship is supposed to be a good period for training, a good time to arm yourself with knowledge and skills so that you are capable/ competent to manage a patient/ a collapsing patient when you are at the peripheries.
Things are not up to par here.I would be grateful if MO's are kind enough to show us a proper guideline or at least they give a clear instruction/ order with some humane reason whenever they command the HO to do stuffs for them, who have greater /major responsibilities to carry. They are mean at times, making stories and put blames on the HO when things get crappy so that they have someone to cover their arses....pardon my language.Unfair isn't it?

Lemme share a story .I was on call. There was no new admission. I even put effort in reading all case sheets before going to sleep on the sofa where it was the only place HO on call could be.It was a peaceful night till the next morning my collegue came asking me why i didn't clerk new admission. I was awed and was totally ignorant about that.She then exclaimed that I was notified by the PPK about the admission. "huh?" that's the only response i could give her.
MO was just aside...geez..witnessing the whole incident ler..
"why you din clerk?
" I er...didn't know about that....and i didn't get any call ...i dont get any missed calls also..." ( usually on call people will receive calls whenever they are ' wanted'.)And that's how i defended myself.The MO just kept silent.
With my flick of response..i traced ED clerking notes in the computer. Voila! The MO had already attended the patient while i was sleeping and yet no body really notified me about the admission.See..what bullshit and nonsense are created to make us look stupiat in front of the public...I have nothing to say but remain this to myself.

WE are just the plankton swifting among big fishes..no words to be heard, but blames we have to bear.So, peeps..do prep yourselves with great endurance when you meet MO like this.Now i know how to selectively listen to their words..not every words are worth listening..

i shall dot dot dot

i hereby bow in the name of KKM, serve ma people and ma country and the needy.
i, shall work with uttermost eficacy,endurance, honesty, loyalty, gratitude and responsiblity.
i, shall not abide laws for my own goodness / benefit.
..
..
..
..
dot dot dot

i, shall wake up before sunrise and leave my ward after sunset
i, shall starve myself and monitor every patient's dietary balance TDS
i shall strain my bladder and to keep patient's urine output at optimum level
i, shall sleep on the couch and to let nursing care patient to sleep on ripple mattress when i could ache my back on every on calls that coldness and mozzies are my awakening nighmares.
i, shall check on every bowel preps awaiting for OT when mine is just as adynamic as a rock.

dot dot dot..